


Uncle Tony Presents: The Sleeping Soldier

by holdingbreaths



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (but not really), (sometimes not all the time), Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, F/M, Game of Thrones References, Genderbending, M/M, a bit "the princess bride" inspired, a bit 'the fall' inspired - less tragic, child fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-14 14:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2194788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingbreaths/pseuds/holdingbreaths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is not bad at bed time stories, JARVIS is paying attention (and recording for future reference) and Captain Steve Rogers is kind of tired of always ending up being the princess.</p><p>or</p><p>The one where Uncle Tony talks about gender equality, love, dragons and princess and gets giggles in response.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 3.83 kids per king

**Author's Note:**

> People, I'm not american, not british, and this doesn't have a beta. So be aware for many mistakes. I'm sorry, I do try my best.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

“Okay, pay attention, ‘cause I’m only telling this story once. Are you paying attention?”

Tony got giggles in response.

“Fine. JARVIS, are _you_ paying attention?”

“Recording of ‘The Sleeping Soldier’ fairy tale, version eleven, ready to begin, sir.”

“Eleven? Are you sure it’s eleven? I’m pretty sure it’s eight-”

“I still know how to count, sir.”

“Or maybe ten. Eleven it is. Fine. Julie, are you ready?”

A new wave of giggles. Tony sighed.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Okay. A long, long time ago – and I gotta say, I’m not even kidding with this part – lived a princess named Steve.”

*

Steve looked herself in the mirror. It wasn’t a full body mirror, but most days this was a blessing: not having to face her small, weak body every morning made her living a tiny bit easier. Not that she wasn’t aware of what the reflection wasn’t showing: her sickening pale skin over the weak bones that seamed way too many to such a small body; her eyes too big to a way too fragile looking face, discolored lips framed by a straw-looking blonde hair. All in all, she wasn’t the prettiest princess on the land, and there was only like, four or five other princess. Maybe a bit more. I don’t know, let’s make them all, like twenty two or three, or something, between princes and princess and those kind of in-between type of royals…

___

“Uncle Tony.”

“You know it’s downright impossible to the tell the story if you keep interrupting, Julie, this is not conductive to fine story-telling.”

“But I’m confused!”

“Confused, what you’re confused about? I barely even told you anything, Princess Steve was skinny as hell-”

“Mind your language, sir, please.”

“Sorry JARVIS, so yeah, Princess Steve was super-duper skinny and that’s it, what is there to be confused about?”

“How come there’s twenty princess?”

“Twenty three princess _and_ princes, do try to keep up, alright? They are all, hmm… they live in some sort of new, innovative monarchy where every five years a new king gets elected by the people. Only, like, there’s only a bunch of men and women who’re eligible.”

“The women can be elected king too?” Her eyes were big and shiny.

“What the hell kind of sexist kingdom would that be if the women could not be elected king?”

“Sir-”

“Shut up, Jarvis, I’m trying to teach some equality to our dear Julie. Jesus. So yeah, six men and women that got to be elect king every five years. That gives us three point eighty three kids per king-”

“But who’s the 0.83 kid?”

“Tyrion Lannister. That’s easy. Everyone knows that.”

“Sir, I have to say I think that’s highly inappropriate.”

“It’s highly irrelevant, because the kid doesn’t even get it. Do you get it, kid?”

Giggles.

“See? She doesn’t get it, she just giggles. If she was five years older I would suspect she’s high as kite.”

“I looooooooove kites!”

“Yeah, your eighteen birthday is gonna be a hell of a good time. So, before JARVIS makes me put another coin on the swear jar, I have to say I just realized this whole innovative monarchy was a really neat idea because that give us the opportunity of having a prince who’s not anyhow blood related with princess Steve! See, JARVIS, I just dodged Cersei and Jaimie!”

“Who’s Jaimie?”

“Shh, kid, just try to pay some attention, would you? So, Princess Steve was really skinny. And angst. But on that particularly morning…”

*

That morning, though, Steve kind wishes she had a bigger mirror. She was wearing, for the first time, the red cape of the King’s Army. She had to sew it herself, since the ones the Army provided were way too big for her small shoulders, but she thought the importance of the color and the meaning behind the cape would be enough to make her bigger, somehow. More important. Just… more.

She knew she would never be like the other ladies in the Army. They were strong and beautiful, with their brown hair and their large hips and their big b-

___

“Sir.”

“I’m sorry, JARVIS. Back to the point.”

___  
…and their brown skins. Steve was so different from all them, always fighting one sickness or the other, always looking fragile and pale, when they all looked like Valkyries, warriors and amazons, bigger than life. Their laugh would fill a room, and they would all dance and drink along with the boys, happy and carefree, while Steve always stayed behind, unnoticed and miserable. She couldn’t be a warrior and she couldn’t be a wife, because who would ever want to hug someone as cold as a corpse? Who would ever want to fight beside a woman who looked like she could barely stand on her two feet?

The true was, there was no red in the world capable of changing the fact that Steve was weak. She was weak and sick and lonely, and that was always going to be the true, and she was going to have to keep living all alone, alone, alone…

___

 

“Po-poor Pr-princess Ste-ee-ee-ve.”

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry? Are you about to cry? JARVIS, is the kid about to cry?”

“I do believe so, sir.”

“Why’s the kid about to cry?”

“Maybe you should easy up on the angst a bit, sir. Just a thought.”

“Yeah, but what do I do now?”

“How about you introduce our prince.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay. So, there was a knock on the door.”

“What door, uncle Tony?”

“The door. Of the room. There was a knock on it. Keep up, kid, keep up.”

___

“Come inside!”

Steve watched as Prince James stepped inside her room. He was as gorgeous as ever, of course, and the red cape he was currently using made him even more imposing, more like the righteous man Steve always knew he was.

“What are you doing wearing this thing, Stevie?” Bucky asked, blue eyes big with shock and-

__

“Who’s Bucky?”

“Oh my god, did HYDRA got you too? What do you mean-”

“Who’s Hyda?”

“-who’s Bucky? You don’t know who Bucky is? I’m pretty sure there’s a picture of him somewhere in your room…”

“No, silly!” Giggles. “Who’s Bucky on your story!”

“What do you mean? I just told you. He’s a prince. He’s gorgeous. There was a knock on the room, he came inside. What else do you need to know?”

“You said Prince _James_ came inside the room. Not Bucky.”

“Yeah, well, James is his name.”

“No, Bucky’s his name.”

“Kid, Bucky is his _nickname_. His name is James.”

“His name is WHAT?”

She sounded horrified. Truly, inescapably, horrified.

“You didn’t know Bucky’s name is James? Your Bucky?”

“No!”

“How the hell didn’t you know Bucky’s names is James? How can someone live with the guy and not know his name’s James?”

“I’m eight! I’m not supposed to know things!”

Silence.

“Alright. Okay. You might have a point. Extra cookie for the right use of the word ‘supposed’. That’s my little genius. Let’s all take a big breath and step aside from the revelations for a moment. Prince James and Bucky are the same. We’ll discuss real life Bucky some other time, okay?”

“…Fine.”

“Okay, so Prince James was standing on the room all pretty and horrified his friend Steve was trying to join the King’s Army, even though he was on the Army himself…”

______

“Look, Bucky, we had this conversation one hundred times. I’m going if they take my sword. I don’t need your permission for that, I only need the king’s.”

“I’m not trying to ‘give you permission’, I’m trying to make you see…”

And that got Steve angry, if nothing else.

“Make me see what? That I’m weak, that I’m useless? For fucks sake, Bucky, I already know that, okay? There’s no need for you to come in wearing red and rub it in.”

Bucky looked hurt by her words, and Steve had a second to feel bad. When he talked again, he wasn’t looking at Steve anymore, but at his own feet.

“Jesus Christ, Stevie. I’m trying to make you see you don’t have to do this to prove that you’re worthy. You don’t have to go to battle to show that you’re strong. You’re the strongest woman I know.”

Steve snorted at that. Bucky lived surrounded by strong ladies, ladies who would drink him under the table and were ready to take him down in sparring fights. Ladies like Princess Natasha, all red and brown like dried blood, all fight and violence and strength, the greatest warrior in the Kingdom.

“I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t have to be a warrior to be strong. You’re kind and you’re fair and you’re the best among us, Stevie, you always were.”

“And how the hell is fairness going to help us against a dragon?”

Steve watched as Bucky raised his hands to the sky. She knew she was right, tough: no amount of kindness was going to save the lives of those lost to the dragon’s fire.

“And do you think the only way you can help us is getting killed?”

And that was it. Because Bucky could never, ever believe Steve was going to be more than a death weight to the King’s Army. She was worthless, and Bucky’s worries could only prove this.

“Well, Bucky, maybe if a die in the dragon’s fire at least I won’t have to live with your pity. Now get the hell out of my room.”

She watched as the man closed the door behind himself, without looking back. Stevie could take anything: the mocking, the sickness, the failures. She could not take Bucky’s pity. She would not take it. Not when he was trying to get her to stay home all winter, not when he was trying to keep her away from the dragon, not when he tried to make her his promised bride. As if anyone would want to marry those sick bones and bad hair. Steve knew she wasn’t wife material, but that was okay, that was _fine_ , as long as she could fight and be honorable and not take anyone’s pity. Specially Bucky’s.

So he could kiss her skinny ass for all that she mattered, she was presenting herself to the King’s Army and she would ride with everyone else, unless the king himself told her she couldn’t do it.

And that, of course, was exactly what happened.

___

“No! Uncle Tony, no, change it!”

“Nopes. Can’t do it. I’m not the one making the story, kid, I’m just the one telling it.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not, but you know what? Just because you’re a smart ass, I’m gonna kill someone before the end of the story.”

“But that’s not fa-aaaa-ir.”

“But as we just learned from Princess Steve tale, fairness doesn’t have a place in this world.”

“But Uncle Tony…”

__

Steve wanted to be furious. She wanted to be mad and humiliated and burning with red hot shame or anger. The true was, she was just numb. As if after everything, she didn’t really believe she would get to ride with the Army. She had to try, but deep inside, this, right here? Was only the confirmation of everything she already knew about herself. She wasn’t worthy.

One by one she heard the names of the princes and princess being announced as they joined the King’s Army to ride against the dragon. She stood there, knowing the king could see her, that he knew this was what she wanted most in life. She saw all the other prince and princess (Thor, Natasha, _Bucky_ ) being called out to defend their land. And with every single breath, she thought: “ _When it finally happens, it’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt like a bitch._ ” But when it came – the silence that denied her –, it didn’t hurt. She knew she was worthless. There was the king making it clear, on the simple act of not calling her name.

As she stood there, alone, wearing a red cape that was never going to mean anything – it was only a costume on her shoulders, a kid’s costume – the king came to her. Steve thought that was the perfect moment to feel ashamed. Nothing came, not even the shadow of a feeling.

“Princess Steve. Take this.” said King Fury. He gave her a small package, and Steve took it without thinking, without wondering what it was, without feeling it’s weight. “It’s a healer’s blue vest. I know you wanted to fight, dear, but the world ain’t made with just fighters. We need healers, and we need peasants, and we need grave diggers. Hell, we even need kings sometimes, even though we all know that’s not that often. Be where you’re needed. We’ll be lucky to have you looking out for our sick and injured.”

It was a very honorable position. It just wasn’t where Steve’s heart was. There was nothing else to do, though, but get back to her room and wear the blue dress, the little stars on it as fragile as Steve’s bones. She couldn’t find it in herself to throw the red cape away, even though she would never get the pleasure to use it. She kept it, under her mattress, a reminder that she was never going to be good enough.

Bucky came to see her before he left. Said he couldn’t go away knowing they were leaving things in a tense note. She could barely hear him, though, still in that off state of numbness: his voice seemed as far away as king Fury’s voice had been, and she couldn’t find it in herself the strength to answer him.

Before he left, though, she knew she had something to say. One last thing, the only thing:

“Bucky?”

“Yes?” he turned from the door, his helmet on his hand, the sword reflecting the light. She realized, with a start, he wasn’t wearing the cape: probably for her benefit.

“Be safe.”

He just nodded, and then her best friend was gone.

___

“Uncle Tony? And then what?”

“Then we’ll stop right here. Close your eyes. You’re tired. Good night, bye.”

“Sir, usually the whole story-telling ritual has a point of carrying on _until_ the child is actually asleep.”

“What do you mean?”

“JARVIS means you have to keep telling me the story!”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do!”

“No, I’m tired.”

“Well, I’m not. Do something.”

“I think I have some pills over-”

“Sir.”

“Oh, for god’s sake, JARVIS, I’m not drugging the kid. Fine, I’ll keep telling the story. But I’m thirsty as hell. How about some soda?”

“Yay, soda!”

“The caffeine is probably going to make Julie more alert, sir.”

“Good. She has to hear the end of the story. Right?”

Tony can almost swear he hears JARVIS sighing.


	2. She is beauty, she is grace, queen of 50 states

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the story comes to an end, but the fic doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy it!

“So, how’s the soda?”

“Yummy, uncle Tony.”

“Good. Don’t tell Steve.”

“Why?”

“’Cause he’ll be jealous of our soda.”

“Oh, okay, I won’t tell!”

“Good kid. Now, where were we?”

“Prince James or maybe Prince Bucky was out to fight the dragon.”

“They’re the same.”

“They were both out to fight the dragon?”

“No, kid, they’re- look, alright, so yeah, Princess Steve was left all alone in her blue dress cooking food for the soldiers…”

“No. She was a healer. That’s like nurse, isn’t it?”

“A healer? Did I say that?”

“I can confirm you said ‘healer’, sir. Maybe it’s a reference to Captain Roger’s mother?”

“Oh yeah. Freud can explain it.”

“Uncle Tony, who’s Foid?”

“Anyway, Princess Steve was a nurse who also cooked. And that’s a healer. So she cooked and she tended to the sick and she was very, very lonely when…”

___

Clean sky, she saw with relieve. Every morning, Steve would wake up and look at the eastern sky, searching for any signs of the fire the dragon Adolf could bring: she knew she wouldn’t be the first to see the smoke, not with her bad sight, but still she looked. Every morning, she reveled on the fact the dragon was not yet upon the innocent, and maybe, maybe, that was a sign that the King’s Army was winning. That Bucky was safe.

That morning, once again there was no sign of the dragon on their horizon. Sending one silent prayer towards Prince James (that’s Bucky, kid, alright?), she went to work, knowing the best she could do was keep their home in one piece while the real warriors fought the war.

By lunch time, Steve was looking at the horizon and trying to draw Bucky’s face by memory, when the first knights entered town. There was a big commotion as the Princess Natasha, Prince Clint and Prince Thor were welcomed back among others, all looking bruised and barely alive. Soon King Fury was yelling so everyone would let the healers come through. There were so many injured, so much blood and pain, it was clear who was winning the war.

There was nothing else Steve wanted but to look for every knight in search of Bucky, but she knew they needed her. So she prepared for the worse and focused on the injured soldiers in front of her.

Eventually, what seemed like hours later, she came to help Princess Natasha with her gash on the arm. It looked painful, but she was one of the lucky ones: she wouldn’t die or lose her arm over it. Before Steve could proper look at it, though, Nat was speaking.

“Look, Steve, I wouldn’t normally receive treatment, I don’t even need it, I’m amazing and wonderful and all-powerful and downright incredible-”

___

“Sir, are you sure Agent Romanoff would speak of herself in such a manner? Isn’t that a bit off character?”

“JARVIS, I just turned Hitler into a dragon. That’s really what you’re questioning here?”

“I’m sorry, sir, I haven’t realized your story aimed for complete non-sense. Please, carry on.”

 

___

“-but I needed to tell you something. You have to know, I know he loved you…”

“Just tell me.” Again, Steve felt himself taken by numbness. Cold. Of course this would be the outcome. Of course.

“The dragon. He took James. We believe…we believe he’s dead.”

Steve knew men and women died in battle. Knew the war was a horrible thing, where sacrifices were made so the innocent could be protected. She just couldn’t believe Bucky, Bucky with his flirtatious smile and his long hair, his innocent eyes and his faith in humanity, her Bucky was dead. She just couldn’t.

“Did you see he die?”

“Steve, I…”

“Natasha, I need you to be very honest, very clear with me. Whatever the answer is, it’s not going to make me feel worse than I’m already feeling. I’m asking you a simple yes or no question. Did. You. See. Bucky. Die?”

Natasha sighed, and Steve couldn’t read the answer in her hesitation. She either didn’t want to give Steve the hope or she didn’t want to crush the other woman.

“I didn’t.” she answered finally, looking straight at Steve. “We all saw as the beast Adolf took off with Bucky on his wings. But we didn’t get a body and we didn’t see him die.”

Steve just nodded, and settled to tend of Nat’s injuries. Whatever she was going to do – and she had to do something – it could wait until she was sure Natasha was well.

___

“Bucky’s not really dead, is he?”

“Well, kid, he’s not, but that’s a secret for now. We want to surprise JARVIS. Sshh.”

“JARVIS, do ya think Bucky’s dead?”

“Well, Miss Julie, I sure hope- wait, sir, there’s an incoming call from, coincidentally, Sargent Barnes.”

“That’s Bucky too, kid, in case you’re completely clueless, as usual. Let me talk to him, but if I say the word oranges, you finish the conversation, ‘kay, JARVIS old man?”

“Alright, sir.” Then they could all hear Bucky’s clear voice in the room. “ _Stark, it’s Buck, listen, we’re coming home, we’ll get on the tower in like, twenty minutes, but if I get there and Julie’s still awake, I swear to God, Stark, I’m going to-_ ”

“Wait, Barnes, wh-what? I-I-I can’t hear you, the connection is failing.”

“ _Bullshit, Stark, if I find out you’re giving candies to her again I’ll beat the shit out of you, you son of a bi-_ ”

“Barnes, I can’t hear you! Bad signal! I! Can’t! Hear! You! Oranges.”

“Sir, I’m pretty sure he heard the word ‘oranges’.”

“He’ll think it’s bad connection.”

“He just sent an email, sir.”

“What does it say?”

“I cannot reproduce the message due to the fact Miss Julie is in the room.”

“That bad, hm?”

“He attached a picture of his knife, sir.”

“Oh, Lord, such a drama queen. Okay, let’s wrap this story up, shall we? So Princess Steve was running out of time and running out of options. There weren’t enough men or women willing to go back and fight the dragon, and she knew she wasn’t strong enough to kill it and get Prince James back. So she went to the only person that could help her.”

___

“You know this is insane, right?”

“I can’t let him die up there, Nat. I need to do something.”

“Fine. But I’m not getting inside that cave with you. That… beast that lives there… it can’t be trusted.”

“You don’t really believe that. I’ve heard you defend him before.”

“Yeah, I’ll defend him from bullies. That doesn’t mean I think you should put your life on his hands, Steve.”

Steve just waved her friend back and stepped closer to the cave. Inside lived a legend of her kingdom: a man people believed was able to control his shape, able to change into a monster and destroy entire villages. He was feared and adored, but chose to live alone, where no one could see him and he couldn’t hurt others.

“Hello?” said Steve from just outside the cave. “Is anyone in there?”

“Yes, Princess Steve.” Came the voice from inside: a soft, calm voice.

“Can I come in?”

“I’m not sure if you can, Princess, but you may.” Said the voice, because even though Banner, the Wise, was indeed very wise, he was sometimes an asshole. A gigantic asshole.

___

“Uncle Bruce says he’s sorry!”

“What?”

“Uncle Bruce said that he’s sorry he broke your thingy and that he won’t touch your thingy again without your say so. He told me that!”

“First of, stop saying thingy, it’s not scientific and you’re my little genius. Behave as such or I’ll find another little girl. Second, he didn’t break it, he made it _less_ destructive, and that would be all fine and dandy if the whole point of a weapon wasn’t _being_ destructive. He gets to be an anti-guns pacifist, he doesn’t need bullets, he can use his fists. Finally, how the hell do you know Banner is Bruce’s last name but doesn’t know your own daddy name?”

“It rhymes!”

“What?”

“Bruce Banner. It rhymes.”

“No, it doesn’t. Tinky-Winky’s name rhymes, Bruce Banner doesn’t rhyme.”

“Yes, it does! Listen! Brucebannerbrucebannerbrucebannerbruceba-”

“JARVIS, I think I may have to reboot the kid.”

“Just keep telling the story, sir.”

___

Steve entered the cave, and there lived the kind eyed man she remembered from her childhood. He didn’t look older, just tired and peaceful, sitting between his herbs and leaking caldrons. Steve was gestured to sit in front of him.

“So you’re here because of Prince James?”

“He was taken by the dragon, sir. There’s no one else to help him but me.”

“And you still insist you’re not in love with him?”

Steve knew there was no point in lying to that man. He could see the future, the past, and everyone’s soul and heart. Lying would do her no good.

Still, she couldn’t face the humiliation of telling the true.

“What I feel for him is not relevant.” She decided to say finally, after a long time of silence. “He deserves a good woman who can live and laugh and fight by his side, a woman to be his companion just as he’ll be hers. He deserves to live, Master Banner. Please. Help us.”

Banner, the Wise, sighed. Princess Steve was such a little shit, and Banner, the Wise didn’t have the temperament to listen to her whining. Banner, the Wise’s tea was getting cold.

“Fine. You want to fight for him, right? You’ll need to change. You’ll need to grow stronger than ever, Steve. It’ll be painful, I warn you.”

“I’m ready.”

Banner reached for a small vial filled with a green liquid, which he didn’t gave directly to Princess Steve, but lowered on her reach, because handing things to people is just rude. The magic potion tasted like mint and M&Ms. Not regular M&Ms, though. The green ones.

She drank it all in one big gulp. She suddenly felt like her body was on fire, burning with growing intensity, burning and growing and changing. It hurt more than anything had ever hurt in her life, but then it was gone, and she was sinking in complete darkness.

___

The kid screamed. Not a little scream, but a full on, the-killer-got-me, terror movie scream.

“Jesus, Julie, what is it?”

“Is Princess Steve dead?”

“What? Why would you think she’s dead, she’s the protagonist of the damn thing!”

“You said you would kill her!”

“I said what? I didn’t said that, when did I say that? JARVIS, did I say that?”

“You said you would kill someone because I’m a smart ass.”

“Sshh, kid, are you out of your mind? Bucky hears you saying the word ass, I’m gonna get mine handed to me in a plate.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just don’t ever repeat the word ass again. Ever. Note even if it’s the lyrics to a song. And I said I would kill someone, not your dad, loony. The dragon will die, of course.”

“Oh, the dragon will die?”

“Yes.”

“They’ll get happy endings?”

“Yes, spoiler-junkie. Now that the mystery is all gone and there’s no respect for the narrative, can I please keep telling the story?”

Giggles.

___

When Princess Steve wakes up, she’s different. She’s bigger and stronger, taller than any girl that she ever met. She’s taller than any _boy_ that she ever met. She was beauty. She was grace. She was elegance and taste. She was Miss Unite-

___

“Sir.”

“Yes, JARVIS?”

“Please, stop.”

“…Okay, JARVIS.”

___

“Steve… is that really you?”

“Yeah.” She couldn’t believe it either. She towered over Natasha, seeing better than she was ever able to see, hearing better. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t in pain. She could cry with the miracle, if only she could stop marveling at it. “Yeah, Nat, it’s really me.”

Princess Natasha gave Steve a rare hug, emotional as well.

“I can’t believe this. What are you going to do? You can join the Army, you can travel, you can do everything you ever wanted!”

“I’m going to find Bucky. That’s all that matters right now.”

Her blue dress, incredibly, still fitted, even though it got ripped in several parts by her sudden transformation. She didn’t had the time to go back to tow and get a new dress, so she just used white stripes from and old apron she somehow thought was appropriate to bring to her adventure against a nazi dragon. The white stripes on the blue dress with the stars and the red cape of the King’s Army all coincidentally made a really nice figure, one that the narrator wasn’t even trying very hard to come up with ever since he commented on the color of the Army’s cape. At all.

The important thing is, she set herself to rescue her prince from the very bad dragon, Princess Natasha her only companion.

Before she left, though, Banner, the Wise, took her wrist in a firm grip, looking her deep in the eyes:

“Just remember: the dragon is not your real enemy. There’s a dark force behind it. This is what you must destroy. Kill it, and the dragon shall perish.”

Steve couldn’t understand that advice, but the words burned in her memory the whole journey.

___

Silence.

“What are you waiting for, Uncle Tony?”

“For one of you to interrupt me. Every time I get near a wannabe cliff-hanger, you or JARVIS say something. So. Out with it.”

“But… I just wanna know what happens.”

“Uhm. How about you, JARVIS.”

“No considerations for the moment, sir.”

“Really?”

“Only, Captain Rogers’ GPS indicates he’s less than ten minutes from the tower.”

“Spoilsport. Whatever. Princess Steve rode miles and miles and days and days until finally she got where the dragon slept, in the cold mountains of Deutschland. She had to eradicate that beautiful land from such evil. So, she and Princess Natasha jumped into a mortal battle.”

___

Steve was tired. After the magic potion, it was as if she would never get tired again: she could ride for hours, she could bring down trees, she could run for miles alongside their horses and not feel a single ache in her body. But the fight with the dragon seemed to go on forever, on and on and on and on. Every time she thought she was close to kill the terrible Adolf, another blaze of fire would lick the dragon’s wounds and heal it, making him impossible of bringing down. Hours later, the dragon still fought like it hadn’t being even bruised by their swords.

Steve didn’t know if she could do this much longer. Natasha was barely standing, tears of exhaustion and pain running down her cheeks. Steve couldn’t look at her friend any longer, knowing she dragged the other princess only to get her killed. Looking around, she realized there wasn’t any hope, everything around the two princess were ashes and death, the only movement in the whole field was the burning flames and-

And then Steve saw it.

A red brighter than the flames reflected the last rays of daylight: it was a face like a skull, ugly and terrifying. If Steve hadn’t got a super vision from the magic potion, she wouldn’t be able to differentiate the body from the ashes burning around them. But as it was, she could see the thing was moving, rising and lowering its arms along with the flames healing the dragon. It was controlling the dragon.

“Nat!” Steve yelled, praying she was right. “I know you’re tired, but I have to ask you one last thing!”

“What is it?”

“Run!”

Steve looked at her for a long moment, watching as Nat prepared herself mentally for their last possible try. The next second, though, Nat was on her feet, crossing the sight of the dragon and running as fast as she could, taking the dragon the opposite direction of the Red Skull Wizard.

Steve got up, ran towards the Red Skull and, in one single movement, threw a flat rock in its direction. The rock spun and spun in the air, until finally it hit the evil Wizard, killing it immediately, and with it, the dragon also died.

____

“And then she found Bucky on the mountain and they kissed and married and were happy ever after. Here, the end, go to sleep, goodbye.”

“But, but, Uncle Tony!”

“What, kid?”

“You can’t end the story like this!”

“Why not, I said happy ever after, what else do you want?”

“But, did they love each other? What did Bucky thought of Steve? Did they have kids?”

“They had a kid, Princess Annoying, but she was so annoying they locked her in the attic on her tenth birthday.”

“Uncle Toooooooooooony, this should be the best part of the story!”

“Look kid, this will be the bloody and gruesome part if you don’t get to sleep son. Your dads are in the tower already, and they’ll kill me if they hear-”

“STARK!”

“Oh, fudge.”

___

As Tony got on Bucky and Steve’s living room, the mood he found was, thankfully, much less violent than he expected. For a second he thought Barnes was crying, sitting on the couch, his whole body shaking, but the tears in his eyes were actually from laughing too hard. And the one looking pissed was actually Steve, standing by his husband, still wearing the uniform.

“Oh, if it isn’t the Super Soldiers Boyfriends, so nice to see you boys!” Tony thought he could move fast enough to get out of their floor before they regrouped. “I’ll let you guys rest, see you tomorrow!”

“Tony, what the hell is the deal with the fairy tales?” Steve asked, using his commanding voice and even crossing his arms.

“It’s a short story with usually European origins that contains some sort of magical setting, often used in modern days as moral compass to young children. But wait, I thought they had that already in the 40’s? And aren’t you mad about Julie being up late?”

“Of course we’re mad she’s up late, you’re not the one who’s going to have to drag her out of bed tomorrow.”

“You’re not the one either.” Bucky intervenes, still chocking back laughs. “You’ll just lie beside her and cuddle and I’ll have to play the villain and drag both your asses out.”

“But that’s not the point.” Steve continued with dignity, as if his husband hasn’t outed him as a cuddler. “JARVIS let us hear as we drove home.” The goddamn traitor. “Why do- why do you keep telling her fairy tales?”

Bucky was back at his laughing fit. The man was getting red on the face.

“What do you want me to tell her, Rogers, Tales from the Crypt?” Tony asked, still not getting it.

“No! No, that sounds awful-”

“Yes, try living in the 90’s.”

“…but why…” Steve left the sentence die without ending it.

“For fucks sake, Steve, just tell him!” Bucky yelled as soon as he got air enough on his lungs.

“I want to ask you why I always end up being the goddamn princess!” he asked with the kind of anger and resolution he reserved for missions.

That was Tony’s best day. In his whole life. Truly, the best day ever.

He laughed alongside Bucky for a whole minute, feeling his sides hurt every time he raised his eyes and saw Steve was red and angry and frustrated.

“Look, look, Steve.” Tony said from the floor, where he was now currently trying to keep himself upright. “Julie needs to see strong women represented in the stories she consume. It’s all a matter of equality.”

“Yeah, right.” Bucky snorted.

“Well, if it’s a matter of equality, why I’m the one in a dress? Always?”

“Steve Rogers, are you ashamed of being considered a woman? Is that what’s happening in here?” Tony asked, pretending to be horrified by the levels of sexism of his most righteous friend.

“No, no, of course not, I would never, I… Bucky keeps laughing at me!”

Tony couldn’t help the new wave of giggles. This was just too good to be true.

“Stop laughing! He keeps putting flower crowns on my pictures with those image editors, its downright maddening!”

“Oh, lord, can I see some?”

Bucky immediately pulled out his phone, opening a file that read “Princess Steve Buttercup”. It had 41 images. Forty one incredible, delightful, images.

Steve looked like he was getting really frustrated, though, and he was usually a guy to take a joke lightly. Maybe hearing about their past, even in a fairy tale setting, was a bit unnerving, and Tony tried to sober up a bit.

“Look, Steve, now seriously. You want me to stop re-telling your epic love story to your kid, I’ll stop. She’s your daughter.”

Julie was their daughter since she was three, and Tony might aim to be the uncle that is going to spoil her but he can’t exactly go against her dads. Not directly, at least. Much.

“No.” he answered, not a trace of a smile on his face.

“You sure, pal? ‘Cause you look like you’re about to Cap-punch us and I’ll not bounce back from it as easily as your dear hubby.”

“No, you won’t stop telling Julie fairy tales. You’ll tell her Princess Bucky story. And I’ll help.”

Bucky groaned, hiding his face on the couch.


	3. Are we humans or are we dancers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Bucky gets to be the princess and no one cares about anachronism. Also, muffins exist since the dawn of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me longer to post! At least this chap is a bit bigger. Now, we get a lot of drabble style prose on this, so just no one is confused:  
> All dialogue in bold is Cap Steve Rogers, because we can all agree he is so very bold.  
> All dialogue in italics are Bucky, because he's over the phone and also because he's so very smooth, and I think italics are so very smooth.  
> All reasonable dialogue are JARVIS. All of them. If anyone is being reasonable, you can bet your ass it's JARVIS talking.  
> Not all craziness is Tony, but most of it is, at least.  
> Julie tends to giggle and call people "dad". Not sure why. Maybe because she's their daughter.  
> All the chapter's reference are at the end. Hope you like it!

“ **Once upon a time…** ”

“Steve, wait!”

“ **For what, Tony?** ”

“JARVIS, are you recording this?”

“Recording of ‘The Sleeping Soldier’ fairy tale, version twelve, ready to begin, sir.”

“Twelve? Are you not sure this is version eight? I don’t remember we recording seven other versions-”

“Eleven other versions, sir.”

“-let alone ten. Okay. Fine. Version twelve it is.”

“ **Fine, can we do this? Once upon a time-** ”

“Wait!”

“ **What now, Tony, Jesus.** ”

“Is there a time limit? When should we stop?”

“ **Tony, you’ve put Julie in bed a thousand times, you know what time she’s supposed to be sleeping.** ” Silence. “ **Right?** ”

More silence.

“ **Antony Stark, are you saying you never even once cared to at least _try_ to put my daughter in bed on time?** ”

“I think we should focus on how I never even once dared to say no to putting your daughter in bed. Don’t I get cookies for that?”

“ **Yeah, just as I get cookies for not letting Bucky skin you with a butter knife.** ”

“That _is_ very big of you, highly appreciated, I must say.”

“ **Okay, can we start now? On-** ”

“Oh, just a reminder, don’t call Barnes ‘James’, your kid’s the goddamn eternal sunshine of the nutella-filled mind and she has no idea what her father’s name is. Actually, Eternal Sunshine is a great idea for telling your story. JARVIS, take a note of that.”

“Idea for the Sleeping Soldier AU number 23, noted, sir.”

“ **What? You know, never mind, Tony, _anything else_ you want to interrupt us with?** ” Silence. “ **Okay. Once upon a time-** ”

“Wait!”

“ **Tony, for fu- oh, no, sorry honey, did you want something?** ”

“Daddy, Uncle Tony has to hold my hand!”

Captain America’s eyes became immediately soft and loving, as they often did around his daughter. Only, they were directed at Tony. It was unbearable.

“ **Tony, do you always hold her hand?** ”

“What? No, I don’t, why would I hold the little beastie hand, your daughter is delusional.”

“You do too! Every time he tells me the story, daddy, he holds my hand!”

“Kid, I don’t know what you’re on, but let me tell you-”

“I can confirm Mister Stark often holds Miss Julie’s hands as he tells her fairy tales.”

“You can conf-, JARVIS, what the hell, you can’t confirm anything! We don’t have cameras on Julie’s room, how would you know if I’m holding her hand or not?”

“Because I know everything, sir.”

“Jesus Christ. Alright, move over, I’ll hold your hand, why do you have to be such a baby?”

“Because I’m your little genius!”

“You’re my little smarta-”

“ **Tony.** ”

“Alright, alright, alright, alright, okay now ladies! What? No Outkast reference? Tough crowd. Cap, if you could please just start avenging your honor and destroying your husband, we’re all set to go. What are you waiting for?”

“ **Good God. Okay, so once upon a time, in a beautiful kingdom, lived a princess, the only child of the king and queen…** ”

___

Princess Bucky Buttercup woke up with the sound of birds singing and a big smile on her face. Her feet were sore, sure, but it was the good kind of sore: she was out dancing all night with the most handsome lads in the kingdom. She could still hear the music loud on her ears, the sound of laugh was imprinted on her memory. Her lips could still taste the drinks she had, her hands remembered the warmth of all the boys that pulled her close.

___

“Uhm, Cap?”

“ **Yes, Tony?** ”

“Does Princess Bucky likes to, hm, _dance_ a lot? Because I’m aware Barnes was quite the, hm, dancer on your time, but I’m wondering just how much dance we’re actually putting on this story. You know. For Julie’s sake.”

Steve was quiet for a few minutes, as if considering not his answer, but how to put it.

“ **Tony, Buck always loved to dance. It’s not his most relevant trait, but it’s one of his traits. I don’t want to reduce Princess Bucky to just a dancer and nothing else, but I think it’s fair we keep her… You know. As healthily interested in dance as our Buck always was. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t be. It’s, hm, important, I think. For Julie’s sake.** ”

“You got a point.”

“Daddy loves to dance!”

Both men tried not to laugh too obviously.

“So Cap, let’s go back to how Princess Bucky was very happy on that particular morning and not even a little hangover, because princess don’t get hangovers, and was smiling from one ear to the other when…”

___

There was a shy knock on the door. Bucky didn’t even need to wonder who it was.

“Come in, Stevie!”

Little Steve, the servant, came inside, carrying Princess Bucky breakfast in a tray.

“Good morning, Princess.”

“Oh, for fucks sake, Stevie, it’s too early for you to be calling me princess. Let me get my shit together first, I still have last night’s confetti in my hair and drool on my chin.”

“You’re right, you don’t look very royal right now.” Steve said while rolling his eyes, trying very hard not to casual let the girl know she was still every bit of the gorgeous princess even in the morning, even with drool on her chin.

“I don’t look very human, you mean.” She wiggled her toes and spread lazily in bed, while Steve prepared her bath a few feet away. “You missed big time last night, pal. Why didn’t you come with us?”

“Because I don’t belong there, Bucky, how many times do I have to tell ya this?”

“Goddammit, repeating something a lot doesn’t make it more right, Steve. No one is perfect here, we’re all doing our best. You belong wherever you want to belong. If I say you can come, there’s no voice in this kingdom who’s gonna question your presence. Do you doubt me in that?”

Steve got closer to the bed, and once again Bucky was struck with how grave and righteous little Stevie could be, even if his shoulders weren’t strong when he squared them, even when his jaw wasn’t firm when he lifted it. Bucky never knew a man to stand taller than Stevie, and he was the shortest man she knew.

“Look, Buck, I get it. You’re my friend and I value that. But you can’t keep fighting my fights for me. I’m not royalty and I’m not handsome, I don’t belong among those people. No one wants to see me there, no one wants to-to dance with me. You don’t _have_ to fight for me.”

Suddenly she felt bad for still being in her nighties, because Steve would look more rational and grow up than her not matter what she said.

“You don’t have to take care of me, either, but you do it all the time.”

“Actually, I have to. It’s kind in my job description.” Steve gave her a small nudge, setting the tray in front of her.

“Bullshit, Stevie, you could travel if you want. You’re an artist.”

“I have everything I need right here, Princess Bucky.” He did a little bow, just because he knew it would infuriate her. Steve wasn’t very surprised when a muffin hit him in the head.

___

“I wonder if muffins were invented back then.”

“ **I’m pretty sure JARVIS must know it. JARVIS, were muffins invented back then?** ”

“Sir, since yours and mister Stark’s story has no time period established, something we can clearly notice by the use of language and confetti, I think it would be wiser to simply believe it occurs in a parallel universe where muffins were always a fact of life, from the beginning of time.”

“I want muffins!”

“Julie, you’re a genius, JARVIS, get us some muffins!”

“ **No! You both can eat muffins in breakfast. No muffins by bedtime.** ”

“But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!”

“ **Tony, so what were you saying about little Stevie being completely, hopeless in love with Princess Bucky?** ”

___

The problem was, it was hopeless. Bucky was the most beautiful princess the world has ever seen: her long brown hair falling in cascades along her back, her bright blue eyes shining with mischief and trouble, her pink, pouty lips full and-

___

“Woah, hey, Cap, do you want a moment? Maybe some time alone? Some Kleenex?”

“Dad, what’s kle-ex?”

“ **I’m… hmm. I’ll try not to describe Princess Bucky… hm… much.** ”

“Don't put your dance shoes out just yet, pal. Let’s just go with ‘she was very pretty’.”

___

So Princess Bucky was very pretty indeed and Stevie was… well, Stevie was a joke. He was the smallest man in the whole village, fragile and skinny looking, nothing like the strong knights that had ballads written about their deeds. He wasn’t rich and he wasn’t royalty, he wasn’t charming and he wasn’t smart. His only redeeming qualities, in his own eyes, were his artistic talent – and he had plenty of that – and his love and loyalty to the princess. But he couldn’t very well paint in a ball, and his adoration of Bucky would only bring him shame among all the others.

He could only observe from afar as Princess Bucky would dance with a different man every night, swirling and spinning and laughing, falling in love with another knight every week, living free from any worries. He couldn’t compare with any of those men, and it would be ridiculous to try and do so.

Of course, if Steve hated himself less, if he could just try and love his own image – with flaws and imperfections, because everyone is flawed and imperfect – he would had noticed, back then, that Bucky wanted his presence by her side, that she cherished him for just being there. That she didn’t need him to be the shinning knight from the ballads: she was happy with her best friend skinny Stevie, he was already everything she needed him to be. But Steve was too blind with self-hate to see that.

___

“ **I’m… I’m sorry I keep interrupting the story, Julie, but** ” Steve sighed deeply. “ **I want you to understand. I lost so many things back then because I thought no one could love me for what I was. So much time wasted because I kept telling myself I had to be stronger, and bigger, and prettier… turns out your father loved me already, and I was none of this stuff, and when I got to be all of those things, he didn’t love me more: he just kept on loving me. And… and that’s so important, baby, but that’s not even the most important thing. Even if your dad didn’t love me, the important thing is that the saddest way of living your life is to think you have to be fixed somehow, that you’re not enough. People don’t have to be fixed; they’re not machines that should be improved, updated. It’s okay to change, important to change, but wanting to change doesn’t have to equal hating yourself. I wish I had loved the boy I once were more. He deserved to be loved. I want you to know this**."

Julie had round eyes, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t even blink.

“ **Do you want something, love?** ” 

In the tiniest of whispers came the small answer: “A muffin.”

“Jesus Christ.”

___

But even without Steve knowing that Bucky cared for him, he knew he was important in her life: she wouldn’t go a day without telling him he was her best friend, her rock, and when everything went to shit, she always came for him first.

So when Bucky parents, the king and queen, died on the sea travelling to a faraway land, and that’s not a totally shameless rip-off of Frozen, Steve was there for her, holding her hand and wiping away her tears, staying with her through every nightmare and sleepless night.

They could do this, Steve kept saying her. They could live through this and soon would come the day where she would be queen, and she would be a decent, fair queen, and the land would be happy again. They could do this, together.

“I’m with you ‘till the end of the line.” Steve would whisper every night against her hair, trying to be the best friend the princess deserved.

“You’re my anchor, Stevie.” She told him one night, when everything just seemed sad and silent, her eyes tired of all the crying. “When I’m losing myself, your face’s the only thing that brings me back. You’re the only one who can remind me of who I am, truly.”

And that wasn’t sap at all, because it’ll be of use of our narrative later, so there’s no need to make ‘aww’ sounds. In other news, after that night, Bucky finally found it in herself to get on her feet again, and get ready to become the queen of all land.

So, by the time the coronation day came, Princess Bucky was ready for it. Steve, the servant, was ready for it. They would rock, Bucky told him while he braided her hair in a thousand braids. They would kick ass and take names and she would be the best goddamn queen this kingdom had ever seen.

Everything was ready, Steve make sure of it. Kings and queens from all over the land came, all excited to see gorgeous and young Princess Bucky become the ruler of a nation. Finally they were opening up the gates. There would be music, there would light. For the first time in fore-

___

“ **Tony?** ”

“Yes, beloved?”

“ **That is another Frozen reference. How many times did you watch Frozen anyway?** ”

“Probably as many times as you did, since you can recognize the lyrics of the least famous song.”

“ **I have Julie. I _have_ to watch Frozen one thousand times. What’s your excuse?** ”

“Hm, Pepper?”

“Aunt Pepper hates Disney! She says it’s not equa-tinitarion.”

“ **Equalitarian. She’s probably right. Are you guys hungry? I think I'm hungry.** ”

“Can I please go back to telling how the coronation day was the best day in forever? People came from all over the land, even the darkest places where evil stay hidden, waiting for a chance to destroy happiness.”

“Oh no!”

___

“So, what do you think, punk?” Bucky asked while spinning her white as snow dress, one big grin splitting her face, since she could see on Steve’s eyes exactly what he thought.

“I think you look fat in white. C’mon, Bucky, we’re already late.”

“I’m not late, you ass, I’m the queen!”

“Not until they put the crown on your head, you’re not.” Steve started dragging the Princess away from the mirror. Let it be said Bucky had many virtues, but humility wasn’t one of them. “Don’t make me drag you all the way to the altar, Bucky, it will look terrible from both of us.”

“I always knew you’d be the one dragging me to the altar.” They both stopped at that, Bucky suddenly realizing what she had said. She blushed but didn’t stop looking Steve in the eyes, daring as ever. “I’ll see you on the other side. Wish me luck!”

With a kiss on the cheek she was gone, looking like a cloud, ethereal and light. Steve smiled to himself, ready to watch the coronation among the other servants in the farthest part of the church. It was okay, because he knew he would be able to see her glow all the way from over-

___

“Urgent call from Sargent Barnes.” JARVIS interrupted, letting them suddenly hear Bucky’s voice: “ _I swear to God I’ll kill you both, I’m not even kidding! Rogers, are you giving my daughter sugar?_ ”

“ **No?** ”

“ _Steve, I can hear you chewing!_ ”

“Technically, he's not chewing sugar. May I ask how the hell did you know we were eating, Barnes?”

“ _Your goddamn robot just strolled over our living room carrying a tray of muffins, it doesn’t take a genius billionaire playboy asshole to figure it out._ ”

“ **Will you two please stop cursing in front of Julie?** ” Tony started making stop signs at Steve, but it was already too late.

“ _Oh no. OH NO. STEVEN ROGERS YOU don’t GET to play the good father while feeding chocolate muffins to my kid at eleven p.m., you don’t even try that, I’ll end you so FAST-_ ”

“Dad, do ya want muffin?”

“ _That… that’s not the point, honey, and even if it was the point, I can’t even eat any muffin because your father told me I’m not allowed in your room while they’re telling their stupid story._ ”

“The story is not stupid! You’re about to become a queen!”

“Look, Barnes, if I got Dummy to get you a muffin, will you shut up about it?”

“ _…one muffin? Steve’s not the only super soldier in the house, ya know?_ ”

“Good god, Dummy, go get this man ten muffins. Fifteen! Twenty chocolate muffins before he brings out his knives.”

“ **Are we good? Bucky?** ”

“I’m afraid Sargent Barnes disconnected the call, sir.”

“Figures. Now, let’s go back to Princess Bucky not being a spoilsport hungry angry killing machine, and actually being on the altar, in front of all the land, to be giving the crown and rule the kingdom.”

___

The priest lifted the crown up high, ready to place it on the top of all those pretty braids. Suddenly, there was a loud sound. All the windows were closed with one swipe of wind and all the lights were out. The doors of the church opened with a loud bang, and someone many believed was dead entered the room, in a green mist of dark magic.

Angelina Jolie in red lipstick? No. The dark wizard Zola, who may be the greatest dark wizard to ever exist, but was actually a really short guy with bad wardrobe choices.

“What are you doing here?” someone conveniently asked, triggering one big villain speech, something that’s downright annoying when Loki does it but it’s actually quite useful for exposing the plot.

“I’m here to destroy your happiness! Mwhahhaha! While there’s a legit king or queen in the throne, light magic prevents me to taking this kingdom, but this kid is mere a princess! It was I who killed your parents on that storm! And I’ll be the one to end your kingdom before it begins! You will leave forever in ignorance, never knowing who you truly are, as long as you live, roaming the land without rest or home. Your kingdom will be swallowed by an eternal winter. You shall never be queen!”

“No! Guards, kill this man!” yelled Princess Bucky, true to her not-so-forgiving nature. “Kill him with sharp knives! Lots of sharp knives!”

Zola marched over to the altar. Everyone who tried to reach him would be swallowed by green mist, yelling in pain, burns all over their skin. There was nothing to do but watch as the man approached the altar and held onto Princess Bucky’s head, two fingers over her temples. As Steve ran towards the altar, regret from being so far away from Bucky when she needed him the most, he watched as her dress went from pure white to the deepest black, the Princess eyes going from angry to scared and finally blank. He finally reached the altar, screaming her name and trying to reach for her.

For a moment, Bucky’s eyes diverted from Zola’s and looked right into Steve, and he thought he could see recognition in there, while she slowed mouthed his name. He reached out for her hand, but his own hand was suddenly crushed in Zola’s tight hold.

“You!” Zola yelled, looking Steve deep in his eyes: he could see everything, Steve’s past and present. “You love her! You think you’ll be able to break my curse? Mwhahaha, never! You shall be giving a curse of your own. You’ll become the opposite of everything you are today, your appearance will be unrecognizable, there won’t be a trace of you for anchoring her. She will never know you, never! MWAHAHAH!”

Steve felt incredibly pain running through his limbs, as he fell on the ground, engulfed by the green mist. He passed away on the church’s floor, unable to stop Zola from taking the woman he loved away. Princess Bucky was no more.

___

“ **And then what?** ”

“What do you mean and then what, I thought you were telling the story with me.”

“ **Yeah, but you’re very good at this.** ”

“Told ya, daddy!”

“I’m writing a book. A thousand ways of bullshiting a kid to sleep and not getting killed by her super-dads, an autobiography.”

“ **Just keep telling the story, Tony**.”

“So Steve, the servant, slept on many many days, because it’s in Steve true nature to sleep over important affairs, like the Cold War. When he finally woke up, everything had changed: Zola was the new king, sitting on his throne of lies and dark magic; Bucky was gone, disappeared on the snow storm that took over the land, a dark blurry running towards the snow; the land was white with snow and sorrow, the promised eternal winter over the kingdom; and Steve, well…”

___

“I can’t believe it’s really you, Steve.” Said Hill, one of the few guards that survived Zola’s attack, because she had the flu on that day, and now she was hiding on the farthest house on the… hm... village/kingdom. Anyway, they were very far from Zola, but not that far that they couldn’t get there in a day or so. Yeah.

“I was there to watch you transform and I still can’t believe it’s you.” 

“My transformation is not important.” Steve said, sadness in his eyes while he looked his own reflection in a mirror. “I would give everything to go back to who I once were. To being able to- to anchor Bucky. To bring her back.”

___

“But Uncle Tony, what did he transform into?”

“You’re kidding me, right? You know what he transforms into. You’ve heard this story before. He’s literally sitting right here.”

“But you never said! He could have transformed in a dinosaur. Or an elephant.”

“Sure, because _that_ makes total sense.”

“ **You know what doesn’t make sense? You said Hill had the flu and immediately after you said she was there to watch him transform. It’s like you’re daring us to say you’re a shit story-teller**."

“Hey, no cursing in front of the kid! And you say I’m a bad uncle!”

“I’m used to it by now, dad, it’s okay.”

___

So Hill actually survived because she had the flu but was there anyway, so she couldn’t run as fast as the other and ended up getting on the altar only in time to carry Steve’s unconscious body outside, before Zola changed his mind and killed the servant.

And Steve had become a blond god – not literally, for heaven’s sake – with huge muscles and he was now oh so tall. And strong. In fact, he was the strongest man on the land.

Zola, when he made the curse, didn’t give any thought to what Steve would become: his sole purpose was to make him unrecognizable. He couldn’t know Steve would rise on the other side as a stronger, handsome, huge version of himself.

“There’s something you need to know, Steve.” Hill said, all business like, because honestly there’s no other mood for Hill that is not business like. “She’s not missing. We found her.”

“What?” Steve tore his gaze from his own reflection, ready to go wherever Bucky was.

“She’s… she’s out there, on the snow. Still wearing her coronation dress, or whatever the hell Zola made of her dress. But you have to know, Steve. She’s not herself. She doesn’t respond to us, she doesn’t recognize any one… and she’s… Steve, she’s violent. She somehow armed herself. She has knives, sharp knives, and she’s not letting anyone come near her. I’m not sure how she’s doing, but she’s fighting and fighting well. She wounded soldier May, Steve, and you know May is highly trained! We can’t let you go after her.”

“You can’t _let_ me? Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you have no other choice. Zola saw my connection with Bucky and he was so scared of it he casted another curse. If there’s any hope for the kingdom, any hope for Bucky, is that I bring her back. There’s no other choice.”

“Fine.” Hill said, as if she was already expecting this answer. “But it’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.” She said, in a reference the narrator is sure no one in the room will get. She put a sword on his reach, because handing people’s thing directly is so invasive.

“No, ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’ll never be able to hurt Bucky. I don’t care what she’ll do. I won’t be able to.”

“Jesus Christ, alright! I knew you loved her, but this is insanity.” Hill finally lost her patience. “Take this shield, then. At least when she starts throwing knives you’ll have a chance to get close enough before you lose an eyeball.”

“Thank you, ma’am. I’ll be where I’m needed.”

Steve took off in a wave of duty and purpose, the shield on his hand his only companion.

For many days he walked on the snow, searching for any clue of Bucky. He could not follow footprints because the snow kept on falling, but he knew he would have to find her soon. On the fifth morning, he found something very disturbing.

“Disturbing, hm?” said a voice above him, while he held onto Bucky’s strands of hair. He could recognize her hair anywhere, so many times he braided it. By the looks of it, it seemed like she had cut it off shorter herself, and not had it pulled off.

The man jumped down from the tree, looking at the hair as well. He was shorter than Steve – who wasn’t, these days – and carried a bow. “I saw her after she did it. It’s not that short, it’s a little over her neck. I’m not supposed it was a fashion statement, though.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Clint. I’ve been hunting Zola for many years. The bastard decimated my kingdom. I have an arrow with his name that is a long time coming.”

Steve shook his hand. This looked like a man that could be an ally, if he was telling the true.

“I’m Steve, the Princess servant.”

“Damn, they have a nice workout plan for the servants, don’t they?”

Steve ignored his statement. He wasn’t sure he could trust him just yet. “What are you doing tracking her down, then?”

“I’m not tracking her down, man, I _was_ tracking her down. I found her two days ago. Now I’m deciding what to do about it.”

“What do you mean?”

Clint sighed, sitting on a rock nearby. He didn’t look afraid of Steve.

“Look, I came to see if we could bring her back. If everything people told me is correct, she’s our best shot against Zola, and mind you, I care about a good shot. When people started talking about her acting violently, I decided I should neutralize Zola’s next threat.” Steve clinched his fists at that. “Nothing personal, pal, but we can’t have a killing machine running around in a dress. It’s bad for us and it’s bad for her. This is really how you think your princess wants to be remembered?”

Steve knew Clint had a point, but he wasn’t about to give up on her this easy. If he had to fight this man, he would.

“We’re not sure it’s hopeless. Not yet.”

“I know Zola’s curses man. This one is pretty effective.”

“Okay. So why haven’t you take the shot?”

Clint raised his eyes at Steve, a resigned look on his face.

“I couldn’t. Honestly, she looks so lost when she’s not, well, you know, trying to murder anyone on sight. She sits there, on that bridge, and she’s just… lost, man, and it’s a damn shame. Makes me wanna kill Zola more than ever, such an innocent life put to waste. I just couldn’t take the shot.”

“You said something… the bridge?”

Clint pointed over his shoulders. “She’s a couple miles from here, on the bridge at the edge of the kingdom. She goes to the bridge whenever she’s alone, or think she’s alone at least. She sits there all day. The saddest picture ever.”

“We used to play on the bridge when we were kids.” Steve says, talking more with himself than with Clint. “She must be remembering. There’s hope. I’m going to find her.”

“I’ll go with you.” before Steve could protest, Clint was already saying. “Calm down, I won’t go to shoot your girlfriend. I’ll just go to make sure someone can drag your ass down after she’s done kicking it. In other words, I’ll cover your back.”

“You have to promise me you won’t try to harm her. It doesn’t matter if she’s stabbing me to death, she has to stay alive. She’s important. I’m not.”

“Jesus Christ, talk about being in love.”

They start walking towards the bridge; Steve realizing that was the third person to tell him how much in love he was with Bucky on the last few days. He hoped he would be able to tell her himself soon.

___

“Uncle Tony, is Clint going to shoot the princess?”

“ **Julie, honey, why don’t you ever call Clint ‘uncle’? Everyone else’s ‘uncle’, why not him?** ”

The kid seemed a bit horrified by her dad’s comment.

“’Cause, ‘cause, ‘cause, ‘cause he’s not grow up yet!”

“Oh lord. Oh dear lord. Oh Jesus Christ in Heaven, I can’t.” Tony rolled out of the bed and on the floor. “JARVIS, JARVIS, my dear JARVIS, tell me you got this on tape. Tell me. Make my day.”

“It is recorded, sir.”

“I would like to thank not only God but also Jesus for this moment.”

“ **Tony, what are you on about?** ” Cap asked, but he was also laughing.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing. Let’s go back to Steve and his wonder boy sidekick, the Children-Against-Violence poster boy, Clint Barton. They walked over the bridge, and sure as anything, there she stood: her black dress tore into so many places, her hair shorter than Steve has ever seen, her eyes dark and her fingers bloodied, knives on each hand, standing on the snow as if the cold couldn’t hurt her at all. The Winter Princess.”

___

Steve walked down the bridge. Bucky stood there, fully aware of his presence, her hair over her face as a curtain. Her fingers opened and closed over the handle of the knife.

“Bucky, I know you’re in there.”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” she asked, her voice rough, and the narrator would be lying if he told he wasn’t dying to get to this line.

“Bucky, you know me!”

“Shut up!” she screamed finally, launching for Steve, all strength and fast reflexes.

Steve crouched under the shield, feeling cuts opening on his forearms as Bucky violently charged at him. Blood dripped from his arms as Bucky kicked him under the shield, trying to break his femur and slash his-

___

“ **Maybe we could do Bucky a little less violent, don’t you think, Tony?** ”

Tony looked over the kid. She was shaking under the covers, big eyes round and shinning.

“Oh. Sorry, Cap. Let’s just skip a bit.”

___

Steve kept yelling at her, that she was a Princess, the only daughter of the queen and the king, that she was to be queen. Nothing woke her up, and she showed less and less recognition to her own name. Maybe if he’d tried James, but who knows. Anyway, he’s tired and he’s bleeding. But not too much. Just, you know, a light flash wound. Like a scrap you get on the park. He’s tired and he’s practically not bleeding at all but he’s done. He just wants her back.

“It’s alright, Bucky.” He says at least, tears in his eyes. “I know you did your best. You always told me, told me: ‘Steve, we’re all doing our best’. I’ve done my best, Bucky.”

He let his only protection against her fall by his side, his shield descending on the river. He was ready.

But as he looked up, certain he would see her knife coming towards his throat, he was surprised to see her hesitate, blade in the air above her head.

“…Stevie?”

He gave her a small smile, everything he could muster right now.

“It’s me. It’s me, Bucky. I’m here.”

Her eyes searched his face, but he could see her getting frustrated.

“No, no, you’re lying! You’re not Steve!” still, she dropped the knife just by the side of his face, hitting him with her fist instead.

“Bucky, Bucky, it’s me.” He didn’t try to hold her, didn’t try to cover himself. “It’s me, Bucky, and I came to tell you I love you. I’m with you ‘till the end of the line.”

A strong wind suddenly swapped Bucky out of her feet. Steve tried to reach for her, suspended as she was in the air, but Clint was at his side in a moment.

“No, no, let her!” he held Steve arms by his side. “It’s working, I’ve seen this happen before.”

In a montage that much remembered the transformation of the Beast into a Prince in Beauty and the Beast, Bucky was engulfed by golden light. With a single convulsion, green mist went out of her body and disappeared, and she was lightly settled on the bridge again, her dress not black, not white, but grey – she came out of it different, but she came out on the other side.

Steve held her close to see her open her blue eyes, surprise filling them as soon as she could see.

“What the hell happened to you, punk?” she said in a small voice.

Steve laughed. He’d never been so happy to be called punk.

“I’ve been working out.” he just said, the happiest man alive.

___

“And then they got back, Steve punched the Dark Wizard, Bucky got the crown, as soon as the crown was in her head the whole land was on spring again, the Wizard tried to react but then Clint put an arrow through the green mist and he was dead and everyone was happy ever after. Oh, and Steve got to be king and Bucky promised to stop dancing with every pair of pants on the land and only dance with him for the rest of their lives. The end.”

Silence. And then:

“ **What the hell kind of ending is that?** ”

“Uncle Tony doesn’t like endings, dad.”

“It’s not that I don’t like endings, it’s just, the whole mystery is gone already. The queen is back, what do you think it’s going to happen? They get to live happily ever after, kisses, weddings, cake, the death of the wizard, whatever, it’s all footnote. What do you want me tell you guys, they first dance? Because if we’re still using dancing as a metaphor this could get really awkward. The big story is done, goodbye, go to sleep.”

“ _That is probably the worst ending to a potentially good story I’ve ever seen since Clint made me watch Lost_.” came Bucky’s voice over the speakers, starting everyone on the room.

“Barnes, did you get to eat you fourty muffins? Shut up about it, then, we’re not asking your opinion over fairy tales.”

“ _Yeah, because your fairy tale’s stupid._ ”

“ **You didn’t thought it was stupid when I was the princess.** ”

A pause, but Bucky was nothing if not insistent. “ _It is stupid, why the hell anyone has to be a princess? Julie is raised by two married man, she’s quite aware homosexuality exists and it’s okay. I have no idea why you’re trying to reinforce this heteronormativity crap in my child’s head_."

“Some soldiers are gay, get over it!” Julie repeated like a parrot, because Bucky wore the damn t-shirt so many times at home – they got a bunch of those t-shirts as a gift when they came out, and Bucky found them comfy – it was probably the first thing the kid ever read fully in her life. 

“Yes. Yes.” Tony repeated slowly, and Steve had the impression this was going to end in tears. “Some soldiers _are_ gay. Some princess are gay as well. Right? Right?” 

“ _Oh fu-_ ” luckily, JARVIS ended the connection before Bucky could finish his sentence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter is from a The Killers song, as you must know;  
> AU stands for Alternative Universe in fanfiction, and who the hell doesn't know that?  
> 'Princess Buttercup' is from 'The Princess Bride', huge inspiration for this fic, again, easily spotted;  
> The sentence "I wish I had loved the boy I once were more" was said by Lea T, brazilian model who's a transwoman. I thought it was a very powerful sentence. It fits Steve, in my opinion;  
> The Frozen song is "For the first time in forever";  
> It's actually canon that Tony calls Steve beloved: http://media.tumblr.com/275dc84ccc7c4c6429be722581895ad0/tumblr_inline_mxinbzCg591rri42x.png  
> Angelina Jolie played Maleficient, a character with a great entrance, and yes, this is me explaining every single pop reference as if Steve Rogers himself was reading this fic;  
> Agent May is a character in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., I hate typing this agency name;  
> “I would like to thank not only God but also Jesus for this.” was Justin Bieber's acceptance speech once, don't ask me when or where;  
> "Some people are gay, get over it!" is a huge campaign. The t-shirt: http://www.stonewall.org.uk/images/cm_images/SPAGGOI-tshirt.gif  
> And I think that's it? I speak pop culture sometimes and it's hard to keep up. I basically wanted to say that that one sentence was Lea T's, and then I just decided explaining all the other references as well. Hope you enjoy it!


End file.
